I haven't blogged in a really long time. . . In part, because I have not been able to put all of my feelings down. I've also been busy with work (we went electronic on August 2 with our medical records and a fellow provider was on vacation almost the entire month), my mother, and other family matters.
This past week was one of the hardest weeks I have ever experienced. Many of you are aware of the fact Shelton has been terribly ill. We attempted to try everything and finally it was time to realize that there was nothing else available to help him. He had become incontinent for the most part, he had sores over his body, and he refused to eat/drink. After having my vet talk with numerous other vets/vet schools to confirm there were no other options, I made the decision to put him down. Just as a side note, I hate those words! I honestly hate how we say "putting an animal down." I don't know how else one would express this event, but it seems cruel when defined that way.
I hated having to make this decision. I cried over it for hours on end. Yet, I knew deep down it was the only option we had. He was suffering and I was being selfish by keeping him alive.
The picture above was taking at the Vet's office. I was so blessed to have Andrea Wood come that day to take pictures. It was important to me to have those. Maybe that is strange for some of you. However, for me, it was necessary. Shelton went to sleep peacefully. He is no longer suffering. I was able to be there and hold him through the process.
What I learned throughout the process was simply this, God cares and loves for me so much! His love was shown by so many people. Two weeks prior to this, my mom fell and broke her wrist- which required surgery. My grandmother was admitted to the hospital. My dad currently has a lot of issues with his knee and will need a knee replacement soon. We are still dealing with the unspoken issues, that I hope one day to share with my readers and church family. Until then, I continue to ask for prayers. We are seeing some light. . . although rather dim and still in the distant, we know it is there. We know GOD IS ABLE!
Between all of these events, It felt as times if my life had about 10 (ok, sometimes it was like 20!) glass balls in the air- and I was barely keeping them up.
During this time, my dear friend, Jill, passed away. I was unable to attend her memorial service due to my grandmother needing me for an appointment. I don't regret that as I know two things about Jill- she would understand that I was taking care of a need, and JILL is the real deal! Jill's faith and her perseverance through ALS taught me so much. We miss her, but we know that she is in heaven right now, celebrating with our King. . . I told one of my friends, Lindsey, that all day after I learned of her passing, I had an image of Jill holding Ayden, kissing his soft head. And, I believe she was holding him as he enjoyed a wet puppy kiss from Shelton. Jill was a true prayer warrior for my family. I loved the times I could spend one on one with her helping her with needs. Those precious hours with her served me so much more than I know I ever served Jill.
I am still asking for prayer for our family and for Ms. Molly. She has always been with Shelton and her previous owners had another dog. She cries so much when I leave. So far, I have only left for short times- even today when I was at the ECU game, I was only gone for a few hours, she was hoarse from whining/howling. I am on call next week, so she will have some longer days.
Yet, through the past few weeks, God showed me his love through the hands of many people. The men who came and stayed at my house late- very late- after we hit the wall of clay- to dig Shelton's grave. The people that let us borrow pick axes to break through. The men who came to bury him. People who made certain I left the house and also that I had time alone. People who moved patients at work so I could be off for both my mother's broken wrist, surgery, and for Shelton. People who sent me cards, emailed me, and posted on my Facebook page messages of encouragement. People that I know were praying- and continue to pray- for my family. People that have called me almost daily to make certain I was ok. People who grabbed me and gave me a hug. People who prayed with me. People who have asked- How are YOU DOING?
I am so blessed.
Thank you.
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